3/18--Long Sad Week

HAPPY 18th B'DAY WES!!!


It's been a very long week. I have cried more tears then I care to remember I ever had. I have had some good laughs too. It has been emotionally draining, physically draining and even a bit spiritually draining. Even Pollyanna cracks occasionally and she is almost humpty dumpty this week ;-). I apologize for the sad tone of this entry but it is the way of this week. I wish tonight I could escape to Happy Akers Retirement Community and Yurt Village! I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends and kids...my kids I consider my friends but in case they read this and think that I only think of their parents as my friends. They would be wrong. I am also blessed to have my family as my friends too. So the bleak tone of my blog is just because there is a sadness that needs to be. It is the part of life we hate, the part of life we spend all our lives avoiding, and the part that hurts us left behind much more then those that have moved on. So if you don't want to be sad please move along today. Check back again soon but if you can bear to hear about my sadness then please keep reading.

I went by and saw Colleen on Monday. She is this huge presence that reminds me of a cross between Joni Voss and Jean Akers. And she was so fragile and frail. It broke my heart to know how much she is hurting and how some things only time softens. And the boys....well I am one of them. I know some of what they will go through, only I think it is worse for them.

With us it was almost a relief that Daddy had died. It was an end to the chaos and madness (for those who are unfamiliar with my life story...my father was a raging alcoholic who died at the age of 44. I was 10). But this isn't the situation. This was a loving family with all sorts of potential to fulfill. They still have all that potential but now there will be a sadness that I hope and pray that no other children have to experience the loss of a parent until they are in their 20's. Of course there is nothing worse then the loss of a child which THANK GOD is not something we have experienced. And I pray no one every does.

I have a tendency to take on whoever's pain is around me. I am very empathetic that sometimes makes it very hard for me when lots of my family and friends are having issues. Know I am not saying every one's lives are falling apart but it seems like everyone i love is going through a stressful time. And everyone's is worse them mine so I cannot complain. But sometimes it is hard being the one everyone needs to be the rock. Sometimes I need people to do things for me. And sometimes I do get it. Like Maxie helping me take down the fence. And being able to go to Robbie and Dericks and see the boys and have a nice dinner is such a blessing.

One thing I have learned is that I am sorry I didn't help Mom more growing up. And all the problmes wouldn't be so daunting and hard....if work was not just kicking my butt so badly. I wonder sometimes if working so hard for so long is worth it. If it might have been better to have been in a more laid back position...to have more leisure time or more time to do the things that don't get done...but that is not the life i choose. The one I choose has to many hours and not enough of them are dedicated to life.

I am going to go to sleep now. After all tomorrow is another day. I love you all 2 pieces mieces beat you all!!!

Take Care....Be Safe...LU2PMBU