We found out today that a beloved friend of our family passed away. Iris Rache. She was the person most like what I thought an aunt should be....so maybe that is where I modeled my Auntie persona on. There is certainly some of Iris in me. I hope she achieved enlightenment in this lifetime. If not and she has to come back here for another ride and if I don't achieve it too....I hope to god we get to meet again. If not then on the other side in another place. I have never thought of Iris with anything but a smile in my heart and love in my soul.
Iris was a larger than life personality. It might be why I am drawn to those types of folks. She never talked down to a child. She had dogs as I recall they where smaller dogs and she had cats too...I could be wrong on this as many a year has blurred my memories of childhood. Her pets where nice (unlike my grand pa's dogs) and her house was fun to go to because she had neat cool stuff. It was messier then ours and my house is too ;-). Love radiated through her home. It was cozy, cluttered, a bit chaotic but warm and happy. I don't think mom ever said hey lets go to Iris' an I said no.
She had a wraspy New York accent and she had a big laugh. She smoked like a chimney but back in the 60's and 70's who didn't. She was kind, honest and loved to laugh. She was masculine as I called her once when she was at our house for dinner and the stove broke. She fixed it and I mentioned she was masculine. My mother was horrified....I love you mom but you are very prim and proper for such a die hard liberal ;-). Iris just laughed and said "yeah honey, I am".
She was a die hard liberal activist. And while I didn't see her so much once I grew up and I am soooo saddened by that because I loved her dearly, I doubt her activism ever changed ;-). She, Pearl, mommy, Rev. Eaton, and the rest where very much in the "movement" shifting this country for all of us. Ok, maybe white Anglo Saxon protestant males may not agree, but hey they have had their time. A bunch of people worked long and hard to make sure that we all had opportunities. They laughed a lot, worked hard and played hard. And when all is said and done this country is a much better place for the contributions they made. I remember a picnic at Rev. Eaton's with his family and how much fun we had. I remember many an afternoon and evening at Iris and Pearls. Do I remember specifics no but the memories are like the wonderful warm comforters that Iris had all around. They make me smile, they warm my heart and make me greatful for having had the opportunity to have such a great role model.
Well I need to stop before I start sobbing. There has been a lot of loss too close to home this year. Thank you Iris. Thank you for teaching me all that you did and for always having those giant warm bear hugs for me, for your wonderful laugh, and you big heart. I am blessed to have had your touch on my life. I send you blessings and love as you make your transition. I send blessing and love to all whose life you touch and who feel this loss so deeply.
Iris was always there for us. She was there when my father was in the worst alcoholism of his life. I remember her being there for my mom and for us. Her wonderful ability to talk honestly and truthfully to children in a non-baby talk way made her a hit with me. I always appreciated and have always worked hard to treat all kids like just shorter younger adults.
Parents and Children live secret lives from one and another. That is the way it is suppose to be...they have their life together and then when they are alone they have their life apart. Iris was one of those people that could be a part of each's secret life.....and a part of their life as a whole. Which is a wonderful thing and something I hope I emulate with my friends and family. I always knew she was there for me and my family. I knew that I could have called her at anytime and she would have been there to listen or help. I am sorry I didn't call her just to say hi on all the times I thought about it, and her.
Iris in all her glory provided a bright ray of sunshine into my childhood and for that I am ever thankful, greatful and blessed. She taught me volumes and the imprint she left on me huge. Ask anyone who knows much about my childhood or early years...and they will have heard me say I considered Iris my Aunt. So for all my kids who read this...you may say a private thanks to Iris for having provided me a role model for that relationship. For anyone reading this...may you be blessed with an Iris of your own in your life.
The Washington Post was wrong...there maybe no immediate family by conventional standards that she left behind. But she left behind an extended family that I imagine is more vibrant then most real families (except mine). I certainly consider myself a member of that family...even if I was more like the prodigal daughter that never returned. But I know she always loved me anyway ;-)...just as I did her.
LU2PM Iris
Friday, March 23, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
3/18--Long Sad Week
HAPPY 18th B'DAY WES!!!
It's been a very long week. I have cried more tears then I care to remember I ever had. I have had some good laughs too. It has been emotionally draining, physically draining and even a bit spiritually draining. Even Pollyanna cracks occasionally and she is almost humpty dumpty this week ;-). I apologize for the sad tone of this entry but it is the way of this week. I wish tonight I could escape to Happy Akers Retirement Community and Yurt Village! I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends and kids...my kids I consider my friends but in case they read this and think that I only think of their parents as my friends. They would be wrong. I am also blessed to have my family as my friends too. So the bleak tone of my blog is just because there is a sadness that needs to be. It is the part of life we hate, the part of life we spend all our lives avoiding, and the part that hurts us left behind much more then those that have moved on. So if you don't want to be sad please move along today. Check back again soon but if you can bear to hear about my sadness then please keep reading.
I went by and saw Colleen on Monday. She is this huge presence that reminds me of a cross between Joni Voss and Jean Akers. And she was so fragile and frail. It broke my heart to know how much she is hurting and how some things only time softens. And the boys....well I am one of them. I know some of what they will go through, only I think it is worse for them.
With us it was almost a relief that Daddy had died. It was an end to the chaos and madness (for those who are unfamiliar with my life story...my father was a raging alcoholic who died at the age of 44. I was 10). But this isn't the situation. This was a loving family with all sorts of potential to fulfill. They still have all that potential but now there will be a sadness that I hope and pray that no other children have to experience the loss of a parent until they are in their 20's. Of course there is nothing worse then the loss of a child which THANK GOD is not something we have experienced. And I pray no one every does.
I have a tendency to take on whoever's pain is around me. I am very empathetic that sometimes makes it very hard for me when lots of my family and friends are having issues. Know I am not saying every one's lives are falling apart but it seems like everyone i love is going through a stressful time. And everyone's is worse them mine so I cannot complain. But sometimes it is hard being the one everyone needs to be the rock. Sometimes I need people to do things for me. And sometimes I do get it. Like Maxie helping me take down the fence. And being able to go to Robbie and Dericks and see the boys and have a nice dinner is such a blessing.
One thing I have learned is that I am sorry I didn't help Mom more growing up. And all the problmes wouldn't be so daunting and hard....if work was not just kicking my butt so badly. I wonder sometimes if working so hard for so long is worth it. If it might have been better to have been in a more laid back position...to have more leisure time or more time to do the things that don't get done...but that is not the life i choose. The one I choose has to many hours and not enough of them are dedicated to life.
I am going to go to sleep now. After all tomorrow is another day. I love you all 2 pieces mieces beat you all!!!
Take Care....Be Safe...LU2PMBU
It's been a very long week. I have cried more tears then I care to remember I ever had. I have had some good laughs too. It has been emotionally draining, physically draining and even a bit spiritually draining. Even Pollyanna cracks occasionally and she is almost humpty dumpty this week ;-). I apologize for the sad tone of this entry but it is the way of this week. I wish tonight I could escape to Happy Akers Retirement Community and Yurt Village! I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends and kids...my kids I consider my friends but in case they read this and think that I only think of their parents as my friends. They would be wrong. I am also blessed to have my family as my friends too. So the bleak tone of my blog is just because there is a sadness that needs to be. It is the part of life we hate, the part of life we spend all our lives avoiding, and the part that hurts us left behind much more then those that have moved on. So if you don't want to be sad please move along today. Check back again soon but if you can bear to hear about my sadness then please keep reading.
I went by and saw Colleen on Monday. She is this huge presence that reminds me of a cross between Joni Voss and Jean Akers. And she was so fragile and frail. It broke my heart to know how much she is hurting and how some things only time softens. And the boys....well I am one of them. I know some of what they will go through, only I think it is worse for them.
With us it was almost a relief that Daddy had died. It was an end to the chaos and madness (for those who are unfamiliar with my life story...my father was a raging alcoholic who died at the age of 44. I was 10). But this isn't the situation. This was a loving family with all sorts of potential to fulfill. They still have all that potential but now there will be a sadness that I hope and pray that no other children have to experience the loss of a parent until they are in their 20's. Of course there is nothing worse then the loss of a child which THANK GOD is not something we have experienced. And I pray no one every does.
I have a tendency to take on whoever's pain is around me. I am very empathetic that sometimes makes it very hard for me when lots of my family and friends are having issues. Know I am not saying every one's lives are falling apart but it seems like everyone i love is going through a stressful time. And everyone's is worse them mine so I cannot complain. But sometimes it is hard being the one everyone needs to be the rock. Sometimes I need people to do things for me. And sometimes I do get it. Like Maxie helping me take down the fence. And being able to go to Robbie and Dericks and see the boys and have a nice dinner is such a blessing.
One thing I have learned is that I am sorry I didn't help Mom more growing up. And all the problmes wouldn't be so daunting and hard....if work was not just kicking my butt so badly. I wonder sometimes if working so hard for so long is worth it. If it might have been better to have been in a more laid back position...to have more leisure time or more time to do the things that don't get done...but that is not the life i choose. The one I choose has to many hours and not enough of them are dedicated to life.
I am going to go to sleep now. After all tomorrow is another day. I love you all 2 pieces mieces beat you all!!!
Take Care....Be Safe...LU2PMBU
Sunday, March 11, 2007
3/11/2007--Happy and Sad day
Well first I survived DST!!! I am very proud of all the people I work with for pulling it off. My self included. I am very tired today...physically, emotionally, and a bit spiritually. i had a nice after noon with maxies taxie. Please note that a cat bottom was removed to continue typing and may have to do that a couple of times ;-)...ana banna thinks her rightful place is on me where ever i don't want her to be...but I have shoooed her away tonight.
First I had my doctor's appointment. He is pleased with my progress. He has ordered a GI test which I am glad about. Years ago I was diagnosed with the helobacter that causes ulcers. I have always had problems with my tummy. I remember back in the day of barium x-rays drinking barium....YUCK! Now it is a stool sample kit. But I have to be off the antibiotics and possibly the benicar too...My vitamin D number is down substantially but the low one is still the same. This is the first one not smoking and I did with no supplements. Ok enough about that...I will be doing more on that for next week.
Now the good. Jimmy had his plays this weekend. I haven't talked to him but I am sure it went well. He is such a wonderful kid and I am so proud of him. He is smart, kind, nurturing, and loving...he is a snuggy muff...all the boys are snuggy muffs...I am really proud of him and his swimming. I cannot help but be proud of him being in the play. Of course having been in the theater crew as well...it makes me feel a bit closer to him. I am so sorry I was not there to see his play and to give him break a leg flowers!! Of course I never had the courage to be on stage. But I was a great Assistant Director ;=).
Hum interesting jump to what I do know. Anyway I am so blessed to have such wonderful young men whom I get to love and whom love me!! I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love my boys. They are my heart and I will always be here for all my boys. I am so proud of them.. I wish I could have Jimmy out here for some time this summer. I will have to talk to Steve about that I will even buy his ticket. Hopefully I will have a room for him to sleep in by then.
Maxie ripped down my fence today!!! THANKS MAXIE!!! In order to take the tree that is leaning toward my house and unstable I had to remove the fence. Well I didn't ....I helped...but Maxie did most of it. He knew just what to do and even to tarp it so Billy Holiday (the Cat)...although he gets lots of points for knowing that she was a singer. He told me what to get and he set about taking it apart. He is a smart young man. He has some cool music and I am blessed to have him as my nephew.
As I am with all my nephew and kids. I am glad that they all still love me and that they trust me. The only thing I want in the world is for my kids and family (that includes all you friends too) is them to be happy and healthy... I want them all to realize the fabulous people that they are....that they can be true to themselves . That they learn to forgive...themselves and everyone else they meet. That they trust their gut instinct and that they keep themselves safe.
Now for the sad. Some very good family friends of ours had a tragic death. Their father and husband died today. He was 54 years old. He and his wife loved each other very much. It was very evident Thier love. They have 2 sons 9 and 13. He has 2 sons from a previous marriage in their 20's. They are like the Akers to the Fraleys for my sister and her family. It is a huge tragedy and reminds me to tell everyone we love how much we do. So please say your prayers for them. Their name is the Brands. All prayers are appreciated.
Well I am exhausted and need to get some sleep. It's been a Long week and believe it or not I have not napped at all today...which is why I am still up and am over tired so I am going to sleep.
Thanks to all the people who love and support me. Thanks to all the kids that have allowed me to be a part of their life from childhood to adulthood. It is not an honor I take lightly and one that warms my heart. Because when people ask me if I am sad I didn't have children. I say no....because while I might not have had my own....I have a number of them that I have been honored to love and have in my life. They invite me to come and have a drink with them on their 21st birthdays. And I remember when some of them thought I was the plague during those "teen years". So to my kids....all of you...thank you for letting me be a part of your life. I am always here if you need me...and even if you are don't.
Take care...be safe...I am not proofing so be nice when reading ;-)
First I had my doctor's appointment. He is pleased with my progress. He has ordered a GI test which I am glad about. Years ago I was diagnosed with the helobacter that causes ulcers. I have always had problems with my tummy. I remember back in the day of barium x-rays drinking barium....YUCK! Now it is a stool sample kit. But I have to be off the antibiotics and possibly the benicar too...My vitamin D number is down substantially but the low one is still the same. This is the first one not smoking and I did with no supplements. Ok enough about that...I will be doing more on that for next week.
Now the good. Jimmy had his plays this weekend. I haven't talked to him but I am sure it went well. He is such a wonderful kid and I am so proud of him. He is smart, kind, nurturing, and loving...he is a snuggy muff...all the boys are snuggy muffs...I am really proud of him and his swimming. I cannot help but be proud of him being in the play. Of course having been in the theater crew as well...it makes me feel a bit closer to him. I am so sorry I was not there to see his play and to give him break a leg flowers!! Of course I never had the courage to be on stage. But I was a great Assistant Director ;=).
Hum interesting jump to what I do know. Anyway I am so blessed to have such wonderful young men whom I get to love and whom love me!! I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love my boys. They are my heart and I will always be here for all my boys. I am so proud of them.. I wish I could have Jimmy out here for some time this summer. I will have to talk to Steve about that I will even buy his ticket. Hopefully I will have a room for him to sleep in by then.
Maxie ripped down my fence today!!! THANKS MAXIE!!! In order to take the tree that is leaning toward my house and unstable I had to remove the fence. Well I didn't ....I helped...but Maxie did most of it. He knew just what to do and even to tarp it so Billy Holiday (the Cat)...although he gets lots of points for knowing that she was a singer. He told me what to get and he set about taking it apart. He is a smart young man. He has some cool music and I am blessed to have him as my nephew.
As I am with all my nephew and kids. I am glad that they all still love me and that they trust me. The only thing I want in the world is for my kids and family (that includes all you friends too) is them to be happy and healthy... I want them all to realize the fabulous people that they are....that they can be true to themselves . That they learn to forgive...themselves and everyone else they meet. That they trust their gut instinct and that they keep themselves safe.
Now for the sad. Some very good family friends of ours had a tragic death. Their father and husband died today. He was 54 years old. He and his wife loved each other very much. It was very evident Thier love. They have 2 sons 9 and 13. He has 2 sons from a previous marriage in their 20's. They are like the Akers to the Fraleys for my sister and her family. It is a huge tragedy and reminds me to tell everyone we love how much we do. So please say your prayers for them. Their name is the Brands. All prayers are appreciated.
Well I am exhausted and need to get some sleep. It's been a Long week and believe it or not I have not napped at all today...which is why I am still up and am over tired so I am going to sleep.
Thanks to all the people who love and support me. Thanks to all the kids that have allowed me to be a part of their life from childhood to adulthood. It is not an honor I take lightly and one that warms my heart. Because when people ask me if I am sad I didn't have children. I say no....because while I might not have had my own....I have a number of them that I have been honored to love and have in my life. They invite me to come and have a drink with them on their 21st birthdays. And I remember when some of them thought I was the plague during those "teen years". So to my kids....all of you...thank you for letting me be a part of your life. I am always here if you need me...and even if you are don't.
Take care...be safe...I am not proofing so be nice when reading ;-)
Saturday, March 3, 2007
3/3/2007--General Ramblings of a Computer Geek in DST Hell
Hi folks...it has been a while since I posted. That is because it has been very busy at work, home, busy with my family. I would like to tell all those who thought Y2K was a "fake, non-event, over hyped" that a lot of people worked there asses off to make sure that is was it was...a non-event. The change from DST is like a mini-y2k. It doesn't have the catastrophic failure implications that y2k did...just a pain in the ass factor. So...venting about work complete.
Except to say that I am blessed with wonderful people to work with whom make my life as easy as they can. THANK YOU VISTA TEAM!!!! We have had people whom joined the team and thought they would not stay long and have stayed for years...and we have people who left the team and have come back...YAY Vern and Suresh!!! For those who don't know Suresh is to job what Vern is to my job. And I hope that when the time comes and Vern retires that Suresh is promoted to that position. My smiley eyed friend whom always is kind and quiet. We have a team that people want to work on and that is a rare thing in many places.
So I go to the doctor's and get the results of my blood draw on 3/8. I will be anxious to see how it goes. I think it is almost time to move to 50 mg's. I think that is where I will find the really drastic improvement. I pulled back a little the last few weeks due to the whole destruction of my home ;-). In fact Maxie and I are going to do demolition on the ceilings with me next weekend. That will be fun for both of us ;-)...he even told me I didn't have to pay him for it!! I have to go to Loews and get protective gear for us since it have fiber glass insulation. I also need to order the LO/MIT II.
I have decided with the Ice Damns help that I should take down the ceilings entirely and then spray with LO/MIT II for insulation and mold factor. It prohibits mold and it adds an R15 value plus an R19 fiber glass insulation and it will be an 34 r factor in the ceiling. I am also hoping in the next 5 years to install solar panels on once all the trees are down. When I am on the board. Will find that out this month.
Mom is doing well she is kicking ass and taking names ;-). She is working hard on getting her house sold. I have no doubt it will be sooner rather then later. Maybe when I come out for graduation I can take her back with me. I know how hard it is to change....to leave what you know and do something new and different. But one thing about mom...once she makes a decision she is a dynamo on planning and implementation. And she is jamming along on getting all that done. In spite of weather that has not been cooperative.
Well I think that is all the news that is fit to print.
Take Care...Be Safe...LU2PMBU
Except to say that I am blessed with wonderful people to work with whom make my life as easy as they can. THANK YOU VISTA TEAM!!!! We have had people whom joined the team and thought they would not stay long and have stayed for years...and we have people who left the team and have come back...YAY Vern and Suresh!!! For those who don't know Suresh is to job what Vern is to my job. And I hope that when the time comes and Vern retires that Suresh is promoted to that position. My smiley eyed friend whom always is kind and quiet. We have a team that people want to work on and that is a rare thing in many places.
So I go to the doctor's and get the results of my blood draw on 3/8. I will be anxious to see how it goes. I think it is almost time to move to 50 mg's. I think that is where I will find the really drastic improvement. I pulled back a little the last few weeks due to the whole destruction of my home ;-). In fact Maxie and I are going to do demolition on the ceilings with me next weekend. That will be fun for both of us ;-)...he even told me I didn't have to pay him for it!! I have to go to Loews and get protective gear for us since it have fiber glass insulation. I also need to order the LO/MIT II.
I have decided with the Ice Damns help that I should take down the ceilings entirely and then spray with LO/MIT II for insulation and mold factor. It prohibits mold and it adds an R15 value plus an R19 fiber glass insulation and it will be an 34 r factor in the ceiling. I am also hoping in the next 5 years to install solar panels on once all the trees are down. When I am on the board. Will find that out this month.
Mom is doing well she is kicking ass and taking names ;-). She is working hard on getting her house sold. I have no doubt it will be sooner rather then later. Maybe when I come out for graduation I can take her back with me. I know how hard it is to change....to leave what you know and do something new and different. But one thing about mom...once she makes a decision she is a dynamo on planning and implementation. And she is jamming along on getting all that done. In spite of weather that has not been cooperative.
Well I think that is all the news that is fit to print.
Take Care...Be Safe...LU2PMBU
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